Also do you see this guy? He’s scheming about using poop to do a prank.
With that outfit? Girl, please. I can respect that.
In my upcoming autobiographical novella, entitled “Regrets, by K” (by K), I’ve decided to organize my essay collection into themed subcollections (simpletons call them ‘chapters’ [whatever] but I prefer the eloquence of ‘themed subcollections’) based on subject matter, form (or lack thereof), and types of ice cream consumed as part of the narrative of each essay. It’s a really novel system of organization. So, as a teaser for my upcoming autobiographical novella, entitled “Regrets, by K” (by K), I am electing to share the titles of these themed subcollections with you, our dear reader, N. Only N. nOBODY ELSE READS THIS BLOG
Themed Subcollections of “Regrets, by K” (by K)
0. Epilogue: It’s My Book So I’m Putting It At The Beginning As A Plot Device
1. On trying to apply plot devices in a nonfictional, autobiographical narrative.
2. On applying nail polish right before going to your upper level chemistry course.
3. Prologue: I’m Gonna Put It Here Because It’s My Money And I Want It Now
4. On violating J.G. Wentworh’s copyright protections.
5. On writing and publishing very personal blog posts at 3:00 AM
6. On dedicating at least six vodka shots to improving and loving yourself, but then you stop counting shots after that
7. On eating A Lot of Chinese Food before taking A Lot Of Shots
8. On shedding real tears because you didn’t win the ability to purchase Those Shoes You Wanted So Badly / More Than You’ve Ever Wanted Air on eBay
9. (this chapter doesn’t exist. it’s like the 13th floor of buildings with superstitious architects, because I’m witty / edgy / soft grunge like that)
10. On stretching autobiographical novellas to ten themed subcollections because of a culturally cultivated assumption that sets that end in 10 are complete
AND, if you buy the e-book:
11. That time I laughed at a fart joke and then fell on the ground and laughed so hard that a bunch of blood vessels broke in my face, last week
buy it, because i probably bitched about everyone you know in this book
The Paris Review does an interview with Gabriel García Márquez:
That’s a journalistic trick which you can also apply to literature. For example, if you say that there are elephants flying in the sky, people are not going to believe you. But if you say that there are four hundred and twenty-five elephants flying in the sky, people will probably believe you. One Hundred Years of Solitude is full of that sort of thing. That’s exactly the technique my grandmother used. I remember particularly the story about the character who is surrounded by yellow butterflies. When I was very small there was an electrician who came to the house. I became very curious because he carried a belt with which he used to suspend himself from the electrical posts. My grandmother used to say that every time this man came around, he would leave the house full of butterflies. But when I was writing this, I discovered that if I didn’t say the butterflies were yellow, people would not believe it.
Thanks to Addie for the link!